More progress and the scary trotting poles of doooooommmmmm

 

~  This is what I wish my arena looked like. Not what it actually does…. > < ~

Hmm.  Today was interesting.  Again.  I’m not sure how I feel about it; and that seems to be happening a lot these days!

Joey {yes, Joey was Joey, then Sparrow and is now Joey again…} was pulling grumpy faces and stepping away when I went to saddle him.  I’m not sure how to stop that, but it’s a good indication of where his mind is at at the moment.

Horsey’s all like *dumdumdunna- wait!  Is dat a saddle??  Ohnoes!  *pulls grumpy face and sidles away…*  “Maybe she won’t notice if I tippytoez over herez…  I dun really want to do this today…

Anyone got any ideas for keeping his feet planted?  It’s not too bad as in I can get him to walk back to his spot again and then put the saddle on, but I really don’t like the fact that he thinks that he can “get away” from work.

Besides that we had fun lounging – he’s gotten a lot better at staying out on the line and working through his transitions.  He does a little “humpy” buck on the right – I growl at him and get on his case.  I don’t think that has been the most effective response from me though, because he tends to race around like a maniac on the end of the lounge then.  I don’t want him learning that discipline = running fast, so I am going to change tactic and work his butt off on a tighter 15m circle.

After that then we had a discussion about the scary trotting poles of doooooommmm.  Backstory – Joey thinks that any type of trotting/ground pole or jump is super-duper scary because his last owner would jag him in the mouth every. single. time. he went over a pole or jump.  He is so scared/worried about them now it’s not even funny. 

I basically have to work him over poles every time I go down there until the new response of over poles = calmed and relaxed, as apposed to over poles = *arrrgguuh! They’re going to eat me! Quick! Jump-forwards-so-they-can’t-catch-me, run-away, jump-sideways-just-in-case, buck, snort*

It did get hairy on the ground because he tried to escape the poles by barrelling right past me at a canter.  I wacked his chest/shoulder as he dashed past, but I was not impressed, so he worked his butt off for that one as well!  Once he’d done a few more circles he did walk quietly over the poles in both directions.  And that’s one of the things, if not the only thing, that keeps me coming back to this horse.  He will freak out like any TB green four and a half year old, but he’s teachable. 

If you can get him to go down a gear and relax, you can actually see him working things out.  I like that.  That’s the part of him that I think has potential.

So more lounging after that episode as he was not ready to be mounted yet, and then I got on.  We just walked around the arena and did some trotting and 20m circles.  And then I just had to see if I could push it didn’t I!

~  You’d think that I asked him to do this!  ~

Yup, I tried to get him over the poles.  First time, he was sticky, evasive and unwilling, but we did get over them; mind you at a very fast clip!  He spooked away from them sideways – trying very hard to teleport out from underneath me, and I sort of lost my seat, but not that badly so I wasn’t able to sit and quietly ride the crazy.

Second pass?  Uh, no bueno.  Things got really hairy this time – I was gritting my teeth and focusing reaaaaallllllly hard on the other side of the poles as well as directing myself in my head with “Forwards!”  *nudge-nudge-nudge*  “Straight!”  Gentle guide with reins.   “Forwards!”  “Straight! Crap-I’m-going-to-have-to-use-spur-do-it-only-on-the-side-where-he’s-running-through-your-leg!  Straaaaight!” “Forwards!”, etc.  He wasn’t having much of it, he was tossing his head, backing up{though not scrambling backwards thank goodness!}, and he was really pipped at the application of the spur because that meant he had to listen.  Still, he did walk up to the first pole.

Then my dad walked his horse past us and around to the other side of the poles, and it got ten times easier.  Joey went over, trotting a bit frantically to Mercury's side{my Dad’s horse}, I scritched his whithers and gave him a few seconds to relax, then turned him around for another pass.  He was still sticky, but he went over and from there on it just got easier.  We went one way, then the other, we followed Mercury over, we had Mercury walk beside the poles and we went over, and then we finally finished with a loose rein, head stretched down, calm walk over the poles AWAY from home AND Mercury which was really good.   I just walked him around the arena a bit more then hopped off.

I am glad we finished so well, but I do have mixed feelings about it because it only worked out that quickly because of my dad and Mercury.  I know I helped Joey deal with his anxiety, but I’m not sure that I’ve really dealt with mine by doing that.  See, it was easier to get him over the poles with the help of another horse/person, but I sort of feel like I needed to ‘win’ that one by myself for my own confidence….  I don’t know. 

It was the first time I had tried to get him over the poles myself.  We did do it once, but it was that second time that I needed to get with him.  I think.  Maybe I just need to help him first and then help myself.  I don’t know. 

I am less nervous about riding him, which is great, but I am still really nervous about pushing him outside of his comfort zone.  Today, half the battle was that it was scary for him and half the battle was that he didn’t want to listen to me.  It’s that not listening to me part of him that gets the ol’ hamster spinning in my tummy.  I don’t like it.  It’s not fully licked yet. 

I don’t have all of his respect yet – and I am still stumped with how to get it.  I really am trying to bring it with the ground work and have everything just so, but under the saddle it’s still eluding me.  And that’s why at times I am still scared to ride my horse.  : X

Gah.   

bonita

Why am I here?

 

I’m just thinking – typing the first things that come into my mind…  So this is going to be a bit of a ramble that hopefully makes sense in the end. 

I think I’m over-horsed.  I’m not quite sure how it happened, it’s not like I’ve never had experience with horses that are too much for me.  I have, and I’ve handed them back/onto someone else far better suited to their needs.

But with Sparrow, it kind of snuck up on me.  The first few rides on him were perfect – cantered him without a care, he felt just fine and I loved it.  That’s why I wanted him. 

But then he bucked me off during that one lesson.  I was told I scared him, but I don’t really know why it happened, and I didn’t see it coming.  He tossed me as easily as a pancake and ran.  I got back on, and we continued like nothing happened.  But something had.  I guess that’s when the first seed of doubt was planted.

Then I moved him to his new paddocks, but I waited a week to ride him until I was having a lesson with my instructor.  I told myself it was because that way she could help with any initial teething problems, but now I wonder if it wasn’t just because I was too scared to ride him without her?

Ever since then riding Sparrow is a battle for me.  Thinking about riding him makes my stomach twist into little knots.  I’m usually ok once I am on him and riding – but I think my reactions to his behaviour are more extreme in that I am more subconsciously worried when riding him, and I have noticed I will have a ‘bigger’ reaction if he does something.  If he freezes for instance, I don’t just push him on, I pause for a split-second, thinking that he might rear if I ask him to move off with anything stronger than the softest leg and seat aid I can give – more of a gentle suggestion then a command.  It’s no wonder he ignores that so often and just stays there. 

I don’t mind handling him on the ground.  I just poke him over when he gets in my space and if he gets agitated, I just send him in little circles around me until he calms down.  No, the main problem here is riding him and the main problem here is me.  My nerve.  It’s gone.  I’ve lost it with him. 

So why am I persisting?  Because I really feel that if I can work through this, I will be a better rider - no, actually a better horseman overall.  This horse is teaching me so much more than any horse I’ve had before.  He’s teaching me to be more clear, more precise and more accurate as a rider.  I can’t muddle my legs aids, he just won’t do what I ask if I do.  I’m ok with that – I WANT to get better, I want that so very badly.

He’s also teaching me to read his signals and body language in a way no other horse has.  Most of my horses have rarely had repeat issues over one particular thing.  Sparrow is far more sensitive and fearful then any other horse I’ve had.  I know that it’s partially his temperament, and I’m not going to change that, and it’s partially due to his age and lack of training and experience – that I can change, for the better or for the worse.  To me it feels like he will simply go one of two ways – either learn to calm down and trust me even when he’s afraid, or just learn to blow up and freak out.

I don’t know if I have enough confidence in my abilities to be the leader he needs so that he learns to calm down and trust me.  I think we have made some progress, like I mentioned in my last post, but I’m not sure.  I don’t have that confidence that I feel I need to see this through without one or the other or both of us getting hurt.  It might be because I can’t afford lessons with my instructor more then once a fortnight – which is hard.  More than ever I need a knowledgeable eye on the ground to assesses how we are going and what Sparrow is saying to me when I can’t read him myself.

*sigh*   And reading that last paragraph over, one thing stands out to me.  I just don’t have the confidence.  I think that I am a fairly good rider, although I have tons more to learn, I know I am handling him fine on the ground, but something isn’t clicking under saddle and I guess it’s that green, young horse unpredictability that I am feeling in him that is spooking me.  I’m not used to it, but it’s part and parcel of where Sparrow is at at the moment – and probably will be until he get a few years and a lot of mileage under his belt.

I read on Equestrian Ink the other day{The Young Horse} that a young horse, no matter gentle or well trained they are, will have significantly difficult, maybe dangerous, moments. 

…Inevitably it happens….eventually there is a day when the young horse acts up. Horse spooks or bucks or bolts—person is dumped and hurt, or just scared, and things are never quite the same again. Person has lost confidence in horse and perhaps horse has lost confidence in person. Sometimes confidence is regained, sometimes not. But overall, it’s a predictable story that could easily be avoided…

That’s my story to a T.  I got bucked off, but I didn’t get hurt, at least, not physically.  The damage is my confidence in Sparrow.  I just don’t trust him like I used to.  The question is – can we work through that – can I work through that – should I work through that?  Will he benefit from my persistence{or stubborn refusal to give up if you like}, or will it just end up badly for the both of us? 

…If you want a no-drama horse, choose one that is eight or older. If you choose a younger horse, be sure that you are Ok with some “dramatic” moments. Because you are very likely to have them...  

Am I ok with drama?  Yes, I don’t mind it.  Am I ok with unpredictable drama?  No, not really.  Am I going to be ok if I keep riding Sparrow?

….I don’t know.

Is that alright?   

bonita